Kas 15

Flitting Wings of a Hummingbird

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I could not contain the gasp that escaped my lips. God, it was beautiful. The sun-kissed body; the intricacy. It took my breath away. My fingers caressed the length of the fingerboard and I melted. The glossy words splashed across the head of the guitar, ‘Hummingbird’. I looked at him, at a loss of words. He simply smiled and took me in his arms. He kissed my temples as my body melded against his, and I whispered, “Thank you”. I could feel his joy and satisfaction. He turned to me, about to say something when his eyes suddenly went wide, fear and panic shadowing the previous contentment. He clutched his chest and made a gurgling sound and collapsed to the floor. Oh God. Oh God! What was happening? I sprawled across his chest, wild with anxiety as his body twitched rigidly.

I woke up screaming for him not to go. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I looked at the empty side of the bed; the side where he once slept. It has been two long, painful years since Dan was gone; taken away from me in the cruellest way. I looked over at the Hummingbird True Vintage which sat quietly on the stand across the bed and recalled the last moments with him. Pain swelled in my chest as I curled up and cried.


Dan and I had been lovers. We met in University. Being in totally different social circles, it had me believe that our meeting was pure fate. I was doing music major, specialising in acoustic harmonics and song writing, while Dan was studying law, whose faculty was right on the opposite end of mine. It was one day of random strolling from the restlessness plaguing me that sent me walking to the other end of the campus; right into Dan. I couldn’t explain it. We merely walked past each other but the urge to look back, to see that face, was overwhelming. When I turned, I realise that he stood rooted, staring at me as well. I blushed and offered him a shy smile. He beamed. He walked over to introduce himself and chatted. Somehow we ended up in a café, where we talked for hours, leaving each other contacts before parting. Things blossomed from there on. We quickly fell into the habit of meeting everyday between breaks, chatting all night before turning in, going out on days free. Our friends soon knew each other and both circles had always hinted at our getting together.

I swear I’ll never forget the day Dan said he loved me. I couldn’t believe it. Oh, I wished and I hoped. I wanted it for a long time. Now that it has happened, it occurred to me as surreal, but Dan easily appeased me. We moved out to an off-campus apartment and everything was bliss. We soon graduated and moved to another city to set up our lives together — me as an apprentice in a record company and Dan in a law firm. We had our disagreements, but things always ended with a make-up fuck — from the smallest things like quarrel over my sloppiness to the bigger things such as finances. We were happy.

Especially when I was officially accepted into TopHits, my company, as a part of the music arrangers and writing, things fell into place. Dan was overjoyed and bought me the guitar of my dreams. Gibson Hummingbird True Vintage. It made me so happy. And then it happened. Dan suffered a cardiac seizure. It came out of nowhere. Dan had always been fit and healthy. He had a strict control of his diet and worked out in our gym regularly. I couldn’t reconcile with the fact that he was gone. Just like that. His family was supportive of me, although they were also coping with Dan’s passing. They treated me more like family than my parents had. Mara, my sister, was also there for me. They all dropped in to visit me often, even till now. It was them who kept me from being totally undone.

I had considered moving away to protect my sanity, to another city, where the cafés do not remind me of Dan and I cuddling over coffee, talking of our dreams, where the streets remind me of us walking hand-in-hand, where the house remind me of us together, passionate and loving. But I couldn’t bear to leave. I could not bear to throw what little hold I had left of Dan away. So I was killing myself slowly. I drowned myself in work, which resulted in my career taking flight, but I spent my time in our home reliving the memories of us everyday, while feeling hollow and lonely inside.

“So how is it going?” Kelly, one of my colleagues and closer friends in the company, asked, gesturing towards the sheaf of papers I had been doodling on.

“It’s almost done. I just have to get the final touch-ups.” I replied, holding up the sheet of paper, examining it, pushing my glasses from slipping down.

Kelly plopped into the chair next to mine and took the paper from me, looking through it. I stared at her. Kelly came in the company a year or two later than I did, but was highly talented. She was attractive: long, thick brown hair framing her oval face, eyes of colour of the Caribbean Sea complementing her fair skin. Her personality was like her nickname, Sunny, which in a lot of ways, reminded me of Mara. Since Mara was clear across the country from me, I thought of Kelly like Gaziosmanpaşa Escort a younger sister to me.

“Yea, I’ll say it’s pretty much done.” She smiled. “So it’s time for you to get off your butt and go have some fun!” She tugged me off my chair. I squeaked.

I plucked my glasses off and rubbed my temples. “Kelly, you know I…”

“Yea, of course I know. All the more I should get your ass out. How long are you intending to stay in your shell for?” She knew about Dan. She was empathetic, but was vehement that it was high time I should move on.

I sighed. I knew I would give in to her, but I put up one last fight. “I… I’m a little tired from working all day, Kel”

“Who isn’t? That’s why we’re going down to the club to unwind! It’s Friday night, for fuck’s sake!”

I looked at her pleadingly and she returned mine with an extra puppy-dog effect. I was so lost. Reluctantly, I nodded. Kelly skipped and tugged my arm, clearly happy that she had finally got me to break out of my funk, even superficially.

I sat amidst the crowd, feeling detached. I hadn’t been to a club since Dan was gone and being here now was unsettling. The only saving grace was that Kelly was with me, along with Paul, Kelly’s fiancé, John and Ellie. I nursed my bottle of Budweiser, peeling off the label, trying to distract myself from my obvious unease. Kelly jabbed me by the ribs. “Relax! Don’t look like someone stole your kidney! Lighten up and have fun! We’re here for you; you know that, don’t you?” I glanced up to see all three others nodding in agreement. I pulled a smile on my lips, muttering that I will try. The night wore on and some hopefuls came to chat me up. A handful of them were cute, no doubt, but I couldn’t bring myself to accept them. My heart was still mourning and it felt like I was betraying Dan.

I looked across the dance floor blandly as Paul joked with them about the time while he was crushing over this girl in high school. Dan. Oh God. Dan. I shot up and my body went rigid. Dan. I ran across the dance floor and followed the figure. Dan was here. I knew I was delirious. I had to be crazy; Dan was gone, it couldn’t be him. But I so desperately wanted to believe that it was him I saw; the face so achingly familiar and handsome.

I went straight up to him and grabbed him by the shoulder. He turned and looked at me with a startled look. No, it wasn’t Dan. He looked nothing like Dan. My face crumbled and he tilted his head to look at me, clearly puzzled. “You ok?”

I was embarrassed. I nodded. “Yea. I… I’m sorry. I thought you were… someone I knew.”

He nodded in understanding, still considering me. “I know it’s none of my business, but you sure look like you need a breather. You wanna go to the café down the street?” I nodded before I could stop myself. Too late to say no now. I stammered, “Give… give me a moment. I… ah… I’ll go get my things and let my friends know.”

I stalked back to my friends and grabbed my guitar case by the corner. Kelly and Paul looked at me curiously, then behind me. Kelly beamed. “Leo! You’re here!”

I stared between Kelly and the guy. “Leo…?” He smiled at me. “Erm, yea. We didn’t really exchange our names. I’m Leo.” He regarded Kelly and Paul awkwardly, “Hey, Kelly, hey, Paul.” He gestured towards the exit, “you ready to go?”

I nodded, not daring to look at Kelly. I was sure she was grinning like the cat that just eaten a canary. I scurried off with Leo who seemed as anxious to leave as I was. We headed to the café Leo was talking about. It was the café near TopHits. I had been there a few times, but most of the time Kelly was the one who bought lunch for me there. The scones and muffins were good, and I loved their coffee. Leo guided me in and he bought me coffee and scones, exactly the way I liked it.

“How did you know?” I asked.

“Kelly comes here everyday to get you the same thing.” He said simply. I was confused. He was my confusion and explained, “I work here.”

“Oh. So this is how you knew Kelly.” I blushed at recalling the awkward moment back in the club.

Leo laughed, “Yea. Oh God, I can’t believe I would run into her like that!” His voice was a deep timbre that resonated in my ears, drawing something in me that I had not felt for some time: warmth. I studied him. He had black hair so deep that it shined with a purplish undertone. He had laughing grey eyes shined with mischievous gleam and a strong jaw that seemed delicate at the same time. His full, pouty lips had this perpetual curl that gave the impression that he was smiling even when he was not.

He smiled, catching me staring, and tilted his head as before. “I believe I’ve not caught your name.”

I blushed and looked away. “I er… My name is Andrew.”

“Nice to meet you, Andrew,” he paused, considering what to say. “It’s none of my business, but is something bothering you? I saw that look on your face.” His tone was gentle, probing and non-probing at the same time. I’ve never felt compelled Gaziosmanpaşa Escort Bayan or the need to tell anyone about it. But Leo put me at such ease that I opened up to him. I told him a brief version of what happened between Dan and I. I was glad that we were sitting in a more secluded corner as I started to sob. Throughout it all, Leo held my hand and touched my elbow briefly to assure me at the right times. It wasn’t till I saw one of the employees coming over that I realise that it was that late. I wiped away evidence of my tears just before the staff got here.

“Mr Cleaver,” the boy started.

“Ah, Donald, don’t worry. I’ll lock up.” Leo smiled. Donald nodded and smiled at me before going back to the counter to pack up.

I gave him a questioning look, which he begrudgingly explained, “Well, ah, I own this place.”

“Oh.” I answered dumbly.

“So you feeling better?” he asked gently.

I gave him a sheepish smile, suddenly embarrassed by my outpour. “Yea, thank you.”

He leaned in to ruffle my hair, which surprised me, laughing easily as he did. “I’m glad. If it makes you feel better, let me treat you lunch tomorrow?” I felt a light fluttering in my stomach and felt confused at the effect of such a small gesture inflicted.

I blushed. “Ok.”

“Great! I’ll see you at Beverly’s at one?” I nodded.

He got me home and I went straight to bed after a quick shower. I fell asleep, asking myself if it really was time to move on.

He was already there when I got to Beverly’s. He wore a black button-up which complemented his hair and jeans which hugged his legs in the most intimate ways, showing off muscular thighs. But it figures. I realised now that he had a runner’s built, lean and graceful.

He beamed when he saw me.

“Hey, man! Glad you’re here! How are you?”

I couldn’t help grinning. “Yea, great! I’m starving!”

He rubbed his palms together in delight. “You’re in for a treat! Beverly has the best steak! I don’t know about you, but I’ve been craving for that since the start of the week!”

I laughed as he led me into the restaurant.

The meal was peppered with easy conversation and laughter. There was no mention of my outbreak last evening, which I was glad for, and he told me tales of growing up in his pre-dominantly female family, and being the youngest, his sisters fussed over him. He had me laughing so hard when he told me about his sister dressing him up in one of her dresses and smeared makeup on his face before dragging him out to dinner with his parents.

I couldn’t stop the fit of giggles and he feigned annoyance, “Hey! That was ancient history! I was four, how should I know? Heck, I’m more man than I can ever be right now!” He boasted jokingly as he puffed his chest.

I giggled again and sipped at my water as I said, “You can say that again! Have to say you’re the best looking guy I’ve seen recently.” Oh fuck. Did I just say that out loud? I blushed shades of red, but Leo laughed, seemingly unawares of the meaning of what I just said.

The embarrassment dissipated when he asked me about my job. He knew I worked in TopHits. Kelly was more effective than any advertisements and I wondered many times if she had her calling right. Don’t get me wrong, Kelly was a good secret keeper, but her mouth runs loose against things of non-secrecy.

I mused about the song writing, the arrangements of instruments and such about my work to him with enthusiasm that I never knew I had. For a moment, I felt like I was back to the times still in uni, all talks of dreams and anticipation of work. I love my job, that’s for sure, but the monotony of everyday didn’t escape it either. Like the White Queen from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland said, “Jam Yesterday, Jam Tomorrow, but never Jam To-day”. That’s how my job was like at the moment. I had good times looking back at the achievements I had, good time thinking of the achievements I can achieve, but when it comes down to actual doing, “to-day” really has no “jam” at all. Talking to Leo about my job now made me feel like I’ve lost the monotony that bogged me down since the past year.

When we parted, he suggested that I come down to his café during my break on Monday to have lunch together, and I agreed. Monday came and went, and we fell into the pattern of having lunch together everyday. Kelly was delighted to see the change in me. I honestly didn’t feel much of a change, but Kelly swore that I was more cheerful and looked happier. I had a glow of warmth about me, something that I didn’t have before.

Leo was over at my house more and more often, as I was at his. We would talk, play video games, or I would simply play a tune or two on my guitar or piano for him. He particularly enjoyed it when I played ‘Somewhere over the Rainbow’ on piano.

One day, he asked, “That’s a beautiful guitar. Why haven’t I seen you playing it before?” He gestured towards my Hummingbird. My face dropped. I wasn’t really ready to say it, but lying Escort Gaziosmanpaşa to Leo was just wrong. I looked him in the eyes, sorrow marring the green of my eyes.

Leo’s look softened. “He gave it to you, isn’t it?”

I cringed at the memory. I nodded. He scooted over and embraced me, patting me soothingly at the back of my head. I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding. To lighten the mood, I smiled and asked if I should play something for him on my cello.

“I haven’t touched my cello since forever. Don’t laugh if I slip up!”

Leo laughed, “If a slip-up is even possible from you!” He sat back on the couch as I sat on a chair opposite with my cello in place. I started to play the first tune I could think of: Nocturne in F#. I swayed with the music, completely lost in it. Somewhere along the line, I began pouring my longing for Dan into it and tears rolled off my cheeks. When I finished, I saw Leo staring at me with an intense look.

He moved towards me and removed the cello, placing it on the floor and kneeled between my splayed legs. He framed my face with his hands. I didn’t know what to think, except that my body was reacting to the closeness. I wanted to get closer. He leaned forward and touched his lips to mine softly. His eyes closed as he pressed his lips more insistently on mine. I gave in to my desire and began kissing back. My hands found its way to his neck and caressed the back of it, eliciting a moan from Leo. Our tongues warred, teasing and caressing the other, probing deeper. When we broke apart, he leaned his forehead against mine. We were both panting from the kiss.

Leo gazed into my eyes. “Andrew,” he husked, “I’ve wanted you for such a long time. I was afraid. I am still afraid that you will push me away.”

“Leo, I…”

Leo pressed a finger to my lips, licking his own as he stared on my kiss-bruised lips. “Do you feel good with me?”

“I’ve never felt more alive since a long time ago.”

“Then, will you…” he looked unsure.

I leaned forward. “Leo, I think I like you.” There. I’ve said it. “But I don’t know if I can be what you want. I have baggage, and no one will want someone who can’t even handle their own issues. Part of me feels bad for falling for you, yet I cannot help it. I know I need this, Leo. I need this.”

“I love you, Andrew. I want you the way you are. The passionate, loving, talented Andrew Tamerie.” He looked at me pleadingly. I knew I had to do something. I leaned in and kissed him, full lust and desire. He kissed back with as much hunger, and soon, we were tugging at each others’ clothes, pulling them off frantically with need of feeling bare skin against bare skin. We soon divested each other and kissed our way back to my bedroom. He pushed me onto the bed and followed me soon after, grinding his hips sensually into me while nipping at me neck. He licked a trial from my collarbone to my jaw before lapping at my lips. I couldn’t help but writhed at his attentions, thrusting my hips up into his. It has been so long. So very long.

He kissed his way down to my chest, lavishing my nipples with tender kisses before bathing them with licks. He soon began sucking and nibbling on them, one after another, forcing a hoarse scream from me. I was as hard as steel, leaking like a faucet. I willed him to touch me, to relieve me of the tightness threatening to leave me hanging.

“Le… Leo… I need…” I made a gurgling sound, desperation and need making my voice coarse that I did not recognise it as mine. Leo understood and obeyed. His hand trailed down to my cock while he continued his sucking. He lightly caressed my cock, fingers ghosting over the head. My cock jumped at the touched and my back arched to follow the tingling sensations left by the fingers. I growled in frustration and Leo chuckled before he held my cock firmly and began stroking.

I wailed loudly, panting in delight while my hands clutched the back of Leo’s head, urging him down. Leo worshipped my abs, kissing, licking, and occasionally biting me softly, leaving marks on me possessively. I was lost in the sensations when I suddenly felt him licking me there. Oh, it was heaven. His tongue probed into my tight hole, teasing it, coaxing it to open for him. I writhed, but his free hand held me down and I sobbed with want.

“Oh… Oh… God… Oh… Leo… Give me…”

I could feel his smile. He let up, but then he probed and entered me with his finger. My hole welcomed him easily, glad at the intrusion, gripping him tightly. Leo groaned, fingering in and out of the wet velvety chute. “Oh God, Andrew… I want you. Want you so much!”

“Yes… Ah! Ah…” he was touching me at the most pleasurable part. My body shot up as orgasm escalated. I was about to come and I warned him. He continued rubbing my prostate. When I came, he suddenly engulfed me in his mouth. I shouted my joy as he swallowed gulp after gulp of my offering.

He leaned up to kiss me, sharing my cum. I panted. I gazed into his beautiful grey eyes. “Take me, Leo.”

His eyes blazed as he got into position, pushing my legs wide. I yielded willingly and he leaned over my nightstand to grab a condom. I gasped as he entered me. Though he did so slowly, it burned from being unused for such a long time. He paused. “You all right?” Concern etched his face, which touched me deeply.

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