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The lyrics to ‘Jesse’s girl’ seemed overly ironic in my situation. I had come to the stark realisation when I was watching her vomit her guts up after one too many tequila shots. It wasn’t me holding her hair back, it was her boyfriend, Jesse. Her head in the toilet making God-awful noises while he gripped her wild mane of blonde curls in his fist, holding it back so no chunks were caught in it. He would rub slow circles on her back, soothingly, but I could see every time his hand brushed over her bra strap, the slight bump as his fingers came in contact with it. He knelt on the cold bathroom floor too, drunk himself. Her hands gripped the edges of the toilet bowl meaning she didn’t have a free one to hike down her dress which had ridden up to expose the bottom of her red panties.
I tried not to look at how lacy they were or that they only seemed to cover half her cheeks. Jesse didn’t seem to notice either and when he eventually picked her up in his arms to take her to bed the situation worsened, at least for me. I tried to pretend those pangs were just from the alcohol, but when he laid her down on his bed and curled around her I couldn’t help wishing it was me doing that.
“Sam,” Jesse said. I looked up from where I’d been leaning on the doorframe, watching them. “You couldn’t get us a glass of water, could you?” I nodded mutely, walking with folded arms to the kitchen to fill a tumbler with ice cold water. When I returned Jesse had thrown a blanket over her. Her ringlets splayed across the pillow and her full lips were slightly parted as she slept. She looked so peaceful.
I handed the glass to Jesse who took a grateful sip before placing it on his bedside table and bending his body around hers once more.
“Thanks, man,” he said, closing his eyes to indicate he was going to sleep. I walked out of the room and down the hall to the lounge where Marissa slept on the sofa.
“Move over,” I whispered, nudging her awake. She groggily opened her eyes, frowned but shuffled forward on the couch so I could clamber behind her. Grabbing my hand she placed it around her stomach, wriggling so her back was pressed against my front.
“Night babe,” she whispered. I kissed the back of neck once and buried my face amongst her jet black hair.
I couldn’t get to sleep though. Marissa’s breathing eventually became deep and even, so trying not to joggle her awake I eased out from behind her and padded barefoot to the study.
We’d drunk a lot that night but with the sudden realisation I was in love with someone who wasn’t my girlfriend I felt a whisky or two was definitely in order. Jesse was one of those pretentious people who loved a good whiskey or scotch so he’d bought a mahogany cabinet with glass doors just for the occasion. It sat proudly, containing bottles of Jack Daniels, Red Label Johnny Walker and other brands I hadn’t heard of. I figured he owed me one seeing as he got to sleep with the girl I loved. I grabbed one of his grandfather’s crystal glasses, topped it up considerably and went out to the balcony.
Jesse had money, but most of it came from the investment properties his grandfather had owned which had then passed on to Jesse when he’d died. Jesse now lived in a gorgeous apartment on the fortieth floor of a tall building near Milson’s Point in Sydney. He overlooked Sydney Opera House and the Harbour Bridge and at 1am in the morning it was remarkably serene. The breeze was slightly cold but after my first few sips of whiskey I didn’t notice.
I jerked awake suddenly to someone saying my name. I hadn’t even realised I’d gone to sleep on the outside lounge. She was standing next to the lounge, looking at me in puzzlement. “What are you doing out here?” she asked, wrapping Jesse’s hooded jacket around her and folding her arms.
“I couldn’t sleep,” I replied, before realising how stupid this sounded considering she had woken me up.
“Me neither,” she replied, sitting down next to me and curling her legs up. “You seemed pretty out of it a few hours I go.” She grimaced. “Urgh, I haven’t been that drunk in ages. Thank God it all came up. No hangover yet though, I think I’m still a little tipsy.” “Want another drink?” I asked, passing her my glass still half-filled with whiskey. She took it without saying a word and had a sip. “Isn’t this Jesse’s whiskey?” she asked after about a minute, almost accusatorily. I couldn’t exactly tell her why I’d taken it so I shrugged in a non-committal way. “I guess it can just be our secret,” she said, taking another sip. Her lips parted to let the glass in and the amber liquid flowed down her throat, her neck moving slightly as she swallowed. A drop was left on her bottom lip and her tongue slid out slowly to taste it. She smiled and handed the glass back to me. “Did you have a good time tonight?” she asked, leaning back into the couch and stretching her legs along it, closer to me. Her legs were bare and in the darkness that is 3.30am (according to my watch) they looked escort ata┼čehir a deep caramel colour. Jesse’s jacket barely covered the top of her thighs. I wrenched my thoughts away to what lay underneath to look at her, and nodded. “Yeah, it was fun. Your friends are awesome.” “Marissa seems cool too. How long have you guys been together for?” “Just over a year,” I said, although it was a struggle. I didn’t want to talk about Marissa. “You must really love her.” I shrugged again, trying to break her eye contact and forcing my lips shut. “It must be nice to really love someone,” she said, gazing off into the distance. “Sometimes I’m not sure if Jesse really loves me. I’m not sure I really love him though. Do you think he loves me?” I shrugged again. “Come on, Sam. You’re one of his best friends, surely you would know what’s going on in his mind.” “I honestly don’t know, we don’t talk about that kind of thing.” She sighed and closed her eyes. I saw goosebumps start to appear along her legs. I unzipped my jacket and draped it across her knees. She smiled at me, one blonde ringlet flying across her face. I longed to reach over and tuck it behind her ear, then grasp her cheek and bring her head towards mine, touching my lips to hers, feeling her tongue caress my own… I snapped out of my daydream as she sidled closer, snuggling up to my left side in an effort to keep warm. “I know we haven’t known each other for very long,” she started. “But I feel really comfortable around you, Sam.” “Likewise,” I replied, although at that moment I was anything but. The feel of her body against mine had me struggling to keep a hard-on at bay and I had to concentrate on my breathing. She leaned her head on my shoulder, bringing her knees up under my jacket and wrapping her arms around them. For something to do I had another large sip of the whiskey. We sat like that for several moments. “Are you okay?” she asked. “Yeah,” I replied. “Why do you ask?” “The pulse in your neck is going crazy.” She looked up at me, her eyes searching mine. I shrugged again, although that was harder as her head was still semi on my shoulder. She continued to hold my gaze, placing a hand on my chest, over my heart. Both she and I could feel it start pumping faster at her touch and I tried to close my eyes and steady my breathing, but with the realisation tonight that I was in love with this woman next to me did little to tame any emotion.
I tried desperately to rationalise in my head. She’s Jesse’s girlfriend, I’ve known him my whole life. I have a girlfriend, Marissa, who is beautiful and lovely and kind and generous and fun in the sack. Everything I look for in a woman. So why does this blonde beauty torture me so? Why do I want to wake up to her tomorrow morning? Why do I want to make her coffee every day and watch the news together? Why am I struggling to control the animal instinct within me that is telling me to fuck this gorgeous specimen senseless? She sighed heavily and pulled her hand away from my chest, tucking it between her thighs to keep warm. We stayed like that for a long time. My breathing was now in control but I couldn’t get my heart to slow down. I was hyper aware of every breath she took, the slight hint of coconut that would float through the air when the breeze was just right, the slight shifting of her legs so that they now pressed against my hip and thigh even more. Her head remained on my shoulder and her hands didn’t touch me again. The sound of the door to the balcony sliding open made me jump. I had been locked in my own little world, imagining the many scenarios between me and this woman. “Babe?” She moved her head from my shoulder, turning it to see who had called. Jesse stood there look quizzically at us. I saw her smile at him and there was a sudden rush of cold air when she stood up to go to him. She handed back my jacket with a smile and I watched Jesse slip his arm around her waist to lead her back inside. She didn’t look back, even though I couldn’t stop staring.
I broke up with Marissa two weeks later. It was awful. She cried a lot, she slapped me (which hurt a lot more than the movies make it out to) and then when she’d finally calmed down she had a blank look in her eyes, one I don’t think I’d seen before and one I never wanted to see again. So I left. I walked out of her house and I haven’t seen her since. From my Facebook stalking of her friend’s profiles (she deleted me at once) she seems to be doing well. There was even one photo with a long haired guy. They looked quite snug and I felt a pang of jealousy before I remembered I was the one who’d broken up with her. I saw Jesse a few times in the next few months, but it was always fleeting, never a good old catch up like last time. I only saw her once with him, but she didn’t look at me, instead waved half-heartedly and quickly drove away. Guess she doesn’t feel as close to me as she did that night. I kept going with life, but I hated the fact that I was still in love kad─▒k├Ây escort with her. Every photo I saw on Jesse’s Facebook had me staring at her until my eyes hurt, memorising every photo and outline of her body, face, hair. Or else I was furiously jerking off while playing scenarios in my head, all involving her. I couldn’t help it. It was as if something had taken over and made me feel things I’d never felt, do things I’d never done and I hated my own vulnerability and the sudden inability to find pleasure in sleeping with other women. Although I tried, multiple times a week, but nothing worked. I’m embarrassed to admit that she became a bit of my obsession and most nights would see me trying to expel this emotions and feelings out of me.
Around four months later I got a text from Jesse asking me around for beer and pizza. I hadn’t properly seen him in ages so I thought it would be nice to get back in touch. I replied yes and later that night buzzed his number with a case of beer under my arm. No one answered. I buzzed again. Still nothing. “You trying to get in?” a voice behind me asked. The dumpy old woman was laden down with shopping bags, scrambling around in her pockets for her keys. “Yes please,” I replied. She nodded without saying anything, located her keys after dumping the contents on to the ground and opened the door. I grabbed a few of her shopping bags that she’d dropped and said “where to?” The old woman smiled at me, a genuine smile like she hadn’t seen kindness in a long time. “Level three,” she replied. I held the door open with my foot and followed after her, trying not to look like I was struggling with the plastic bag full of milk. It was digging painfully into my fingers. We stood in the lift side by side, not speaking until the doors pinged open at level three. She opened number 12 and ushered me in, pointing to the kitchen table to put the bags down. “Thank you so much for the help,” she said, smiling at me again. I shrugged and gave a half smile back. “Have a good rest of your day,” I said as I walked back out, shutting the door behind me and waiting at the lift. With the speed of the elevator it only took a few seconds to get to Jesse’s floor. I knocked on the door, beer under one arm. The door opened and she stood there, looking at me in puzzlement. “Sam? What are you doing here?” I faltered, unsure what to say. “I got a message from Jesse asking me over for beer and pizza,” I replied, trying to control my already racing heart. “But Jesse’s away for the weekend.” I pulled out my phone and checked my messages, certain I hadn’t imagined it.
Hey man, want to come round for beer and pizza That was all it said. But a little symbol in the corner I hadn’t noticed before told me that wasn’t the complete message. Maybe he’d said something else about coming over next weekend? “Oh,” was all I said, and I could feel a blush start to rise on my neck. “I’ll, um, go.” “Sam, you’re already here. Come in and we can crack open the beers.” I wasn’t sure what to do. I knew I should turn around, walk to the lift, wait for it to take me back downstairs to my car, drive home and masturbate until it hurt. But she was standing there, holding the door open and smiling, albeit a slightly bemused smile, but a smile nonetheless. I walked in, standing awkwardly by the kitchen bench.
“How have you been?” she asked, hunting around in the one of the drawers before pulling out a bottle opener. I watched her slide the opener over the top of one of beer bottles and grasp it firmly, before pulling back and hearing that welcoming exhale of air. I had never seen anything sexier. “Yeah, good thanks,” I replied, taking the offered beer and having a decent swig. “You?” “Yeah, I’ve been alright.” We were both silent for a few moments, sipping slowly on the beer. She leant back against the counter and crossed one delicate ankle over the other. Her feet were bare and her white and blue patterned sun dress made her dark skin caramelise. I mimicked her stance against the opposite counter without meaning to. I looked down at my beer, and realised I’d already drunk half of it. It had only been opened a few minutes ago. “How’s uni and everything?” I asked, trying to break the silence. “Uni’s good, just a lot of work in final semester.” I nodded, unsure what to say. She took a deep breath. “How’s your work going? And how’s Marissa and your family?” I looked up at her. “Marissa and I broke up, about four months ago.” I wasn’t sure what reaction I expected but it wasn’t to see her pale. “Are you okay?” I asked, worried she was about to be sick. I moved to her side of the bench and stood in front of her, trying to look at her face in case she was about to vomit. But she kept her head down and wouldn’t look up. I tried to ignore my frantically beating heart. “Do you want some water?” I asked. She shook her head, still looking down. I placed my beer on the bench behind her and then my hand moved on its own accord. I watched it come maltepe escort bayan underneath her chin and force her head to look up at me. “What’s wrong?” I asked again, looking straight into her gorgeous azure eyes. She bit her lip, but when she opened her mouth as if to say something I found myself bringing my head forward and pressing my lips against hers. I didn’t mean to do, I swear. My hand came to curl around her cheek while the other one gripped the counter. When I realised what I was doing I pulled my mouth away and rested my forehead against hers. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, still holding on to her cheek. I moved my lips against hers once more before fully stepping away and leaning back against the opposite bench. I couldn’t look at her. “I should go,” I said, looking out the window. The sun had just set and cast a faint orangey glow around the kitchen. “Do you want to?” I heard her ask. I looked back at her and shook my head. “I don’t want you to either.” I don’t know where I found the courage, but after hearing her say she didn’t want me to leave I closed the space between us again, gripped the side of her face and pushed my mouth on hers once more. I felt her respond. One hand came up to the side of my neck while the other one rested against my hip. I forced her lips to open wider, shoving my tongue in. Her own tongue was at first cautious but soon found encouragement and began caressing mine in deliciously lovingly strokes, making me moan. I moved my hands down from her face, sliding along her delicate shoulders to cling onto her waist, my body pushing closer to hers, forcing her harder against the kitchen bench. Her hands began tangling within my hair, almost giving me a head massage, until one of them came around the back of my neck and pulled me even closer. My hands left her waist and ran down to her thighs, which I grasped suddenly, lifting her up and placing her on the bench behind. Sitting on the bench she opened her legs for me, wrapping one of them around my hips, drawing me closer. My hands were around her waist now, hugging her tightly as my lips started to explore her neck, throat and collarbone. I felt rather than heard a soft moan escape from her, almost like a whimper as I gently kissed south along her neck. I arrived at her sternum and suddenly looked up at her, not sure if I was allowed to go on. Her response was to arch her back, pushing her delectable breasts towards my face. My hands came up to her shoulders and pushed the straps of her dress down. She shimmied her arms out of the straps and reached behind her to undo her bra. As she threw to the side and let her breasts fall free she bit her lip and looked at me, as though worried what I might think. This gorgeous creature was actually concerned with what I thought? I was the one who should be self-conscious. Her breasts were spectacular. I brought my hand up and cupped one, relishing in the feel of her nipple harden underneath my fingers. They were the perfect handful. I couldn’t stop looking at them, and when I eventually looked up, smiling, she was watching me with cautious eyes. I kissed her, and her lips moulded around mine, her hands back around my neck. Releasing her breast I placed one hand at the nape of her neck before running it down her bare back, over her shoulder blades and down her spine. I felt her shiver underneath my hand. How could someone like her be so affected by my touch? I broke away from her just long enough to pull my shirt over my head and drop it to the floor. Before being able to continue kissing her though she leant forward and kissed my nipple, her hands on my waist. I closed my eyes with pleasure and let her hands roam. They moved all over my chest, leaving little trails of fire in their wake. She ran her fingers lightly through the line of hair that ran from my belly button to the top of my jeans and then, ever so slowly, moved her hands downward until I felt the tip of her digits brush my already rock hard cock. I almost came right then and there and had to grit my teeth.
To my dismay she removed her hand, bringing it back up to pull my mouth to hers. I decided I couldn’t wait any longer. I gently pushed her back on the counter until she was rested on her elbows. Not taking my eyes off hers I ran my hands lightly down her waist, down her legs until at about mid-thigh I touched bare skin. I slowly moved my hands underneath her dress. Her thighs were cool and goosebumps appeared where my hands trailed. I inched higher and higher, hearing her breath quicken with every movement. Finally I touched the material of her panties and slowly but surely gripped the sides and began to pull them down. She placed one foot on my shoulder to give herself enough leverage to push up and let me pull them completely off, over her gorgeous feet and drop them to the floor.
I was suddenly horrendously nervous. What if I couldn’t please her? I ducked under so her legs hung over my shoulders, bent at the knee. I gripped her hips, and pulled her closer, sliding her over the counter. And then I just looked. She was beautiful. Already slick with arousal she seemed to glisten in the twilight. I ran one hand down her glorious pussy and felt her shudder. When I looked up she was watching me intently, her eyes locked on mine.
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